Mommy instinct and Tears in my eyes...

MOMMY INSTINCT

First, let me start by saying....in the middle of the night when Lily wakes up crying...I don't want her to come into our room, I want her to stay in her room and bed and cry it out...but no....my mommy instinct automatically says "Come here, Lily".

The other night I told Olav I didn't want Lily to keep coming into our bed in the middle of the night when she woke up because I felt it was starting a bad pattern, he said, "I know, you were the one who told her to come here". "Really", I said. I guess it is just that mommy instinct. So now every night before I go to bed...I try to will my brain not to call out to Lily, "Come here, Lily".

So yesterday after willing my brain once again before sleep not to say "Come here Lily", Lily cried out...and darn it if you would not believe it I called her to our bed when she awoke. Fortunately, after she came into our room and laid down in our bed...I came to my senses..."I don't want her in our bed". So I picked her up and put her back in her own bed with no fuss...

We'll see how many more times my mommy instinct kicks in!

TEARS IN MY EYES

While I was super thankful to have Lily home for Thanksgiving...honestly Thanksgiving has never been a day that has a huge emotional pull for me. But Christmas...that is another story.

I remember the first year we were trying to adopt Lily, Christmas 2005... well-intentioned friends said, "Next year you will have your daughter home with you". The following year Christmas 2006...Lily still wasn't home and Christmas was a very difficult time for me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I yearned to have Lily home for Christmas. Christmas 2007 was joyous because I had gotten to be Lily's mommy finally and because my dad and my sister and her family came to see us in Guatemala. But of course, there was always the lurking shadow of will we ever get to come home that was present until August of 2008.

So last Sunday when we went to church they were having a special advent service, complete with music, and dance. Lily pad was rocking out to the music....it brought tears streaming to my eyes....she really is home this year for Christmas! Even now as I write this I get choked up about it! Our beautiful baby girl is finally home for Christmas! And I tell you....regardless of what craziness is going on in the world this year....for the Gjerde family....this will be a great Christmas!

Love,
Kim